You are so missing out

I know you’ve been meaning to come out to Iowa. But it’s a long, expensive^* flight from the coasts. What can I say? We like to keep our secret treasures to ourselves. But if you came, we’d be happy. For now though I’ll just have to tell you about life here in Iowa. You see, it’s different here. The corn grows taller, and the pigs grow fatter. Yes, I live in a large college town—30,000 students to keep things interesting. But in Iowa you’ll never forget where you are. The quality of life is good, and the pace is slow. And sometimes you see things here you don’t see other places. Like the endless tanker train cars carrying corn syrup destined for your food. Or how about what Mark saw this afternoon over his lunch hour? Indeed. It was a tanker truck on the highway hauling “pig plasma.” Yum! And just to clear up any confusion, below that was the label: “Not for human food.”

To be honest, I don’t know what they do with pig plasma. Maybe it’s a Fight Club thing and they make soap out of it. Who knows? A quick internet search reveals that GeneTex, Inc. has 50mL jars of guinea pig plasma available for a cool $150. Oh, but’s that another thing entirely. Those poor guinea pigs.

^* Actually, I’ve flown $99 AirTran flights from here to both DC and LA.