dream myself alive.

i went to some meetings this evening, then headed to the wine shop to do some shopping. my older colleagues tend to buy a case at a time, but i walked out with three bottles in tow — a cabernet, a merlot, and a riesling. one of the advantages to living in a university town is having a lot of wine shops to choose from. i recently found out that a old friend is working at a particular winery in california now. funny how that all works. i was thinking about old friends tonight — thinking about what they’ve made of themselves — master’s degress, ph.d’s, law degrees and the like. the common thread of my friends over the years has not been area of interest (i’ve known biologists, philosophers, mathematicians, scientists, lawyers, pastors and so on) but rather grad school. looking over the wide net of my close friends — starting in elementary school and moving to high school and then college — grad school has been the common thread among them. i’m so honored to have known so many smart, smart people. it’s quite a thrill actually.

as old u2 plays out on the sound system, i’ve been thinking about this email i just sent. an old, dear friend of mine from high school recently got in touch with me again. i hadn’t talked to her in something like a decade, but there was still that connection. we had been fast, tight friends in high school — never quite crossing the border into boyfriend-girlfriend but always hovering close to there. at any rate, she sent me this email out of the blue a couple of weeks ago. we’ve been corresponding back and forth now a few times.

tonight, finally, i felt that there were things to be said to this friend. i poured a glass from the cabernet, and proceeded to write. it was more or less rambling — just talk about old friends and new commitments — talk of the things that went on after living abroad — serial monogamy kinds of things. rapid succesion of girlfriends that year as i recall. it seems so long ago now. but getting emails from this old friend had stirred some of those old memories — bringing them to life again — bringing them to my attention.

she was someone i deeply admired, and i wonder whether that’s a vision i had of her in high school and whether it’s still true or relevant. i don’t know. i’m just getting reaquainted with her now.

let’s hold our breaths for a moment. … okay, that’s enough. exhale. i’m just letting this fine evening wash over me. just letting the flow of the world take control.